February 1994

We did our Income Tax paperwork.
A large sum of the refund will be used to pay our portion of all the hospitals bills and Dr bills and the Headstone.
*But where is the Funeral bill?* I asked.

*There is no Funeral bill*

*Why is there no Funeral bill? I know we didn't have the money to pay for her funeral.*

This is when I found out that my oldest brother paid for Chelsea's funeral.
He felt it was the least he could do for me. A *you helped me, so I'll help you* thing.
I cried!
You see, my brother is hard on the outside, but inside there is a softness he hides very well.
Through my tears, I called him. I had to thank him.

So, when our tax refund arrived, I sat down and sent payment in full for all of it.
Words can not describe what I felt ... how this lifted such a weight off of me.
I did not realize that all of those unpaid bills had such an underlying hold on me.
No, this did not *Cure My Grief* ...
Yet, in a sense, I felt a bit of closure.
Like I could take a step forward and breathe.


Late February, I started a job at an office, filing, PT in the evenings (after hours). I still wasn't ready to face the public everyday for 8+ hours, so this was the perfect thing.

Yes, one step at a time.
I'm trying to move on.
One step at a time.
Breathe.
I can do this.
Step.
Breathe.
Step.
Breathe.