December, 6 months

His grandparents were having a Christmas family dinner. This is a big family!!!
They rented out a restaraunt.
I am in no mood to celebrate anything. I don't want to go and sit in the company of the in-laws.
But, it is my duty.
So, I go. I try to put a smile on my face. You know, the foney-I'm-a-happy-holiday-celebrating kind of smile.
We find the table with our name tags on it. Our table is next to a cousin who recenlty had a baby. How am I going to get through this night?!
He is mingling with family. I am trying to keep up with him.
His aunt, who live out of state, approaches. The Hello's and How are you's are said. Then to him, the question, * How many children do you have now?*
He answers *2* (the 2 from his previous marriage)
How could he not include our daughter into the equation.
It hurt like a slap in the face.
I said,
*3! You have 3!*
I turned and walked away.
I was too upset to stay inside.
I went outside for fresh air.
I want to leave. Just get away from there.

I wasn't just hurt and upset ... I was livid!
I don't remember how I got the key, but I did. I got into my car and drove off. Several hours later, I wind up at my sister's ... and who was there? Yes, him!
He went there to 'tell on me' to my family.


There were no words of comfort or support from him.
Instead, he threw his wedding ring at me and told me, *GET OVER IT OR WE'RE THROUGH!*

My marriage was at stake.
I had to make a decision ...
Continue in my grieving state and end my marriage?
OR
Get over it!?

Reality hit like a ton of bricks. He was not and will not be a source of comfort or support. He didn't think I needed any sort of such things. I just needed to get over it and move on.


The thought of being alone scared me, so I ran to him like a puppy with its tail between it legs.
I bit the bullit!
I apologized!
I apologized to him, to his other children, and I went to his family and apologized for leaving the dinner party.

Again, I was given the lecture of *Get Over It* by his family.

So, 1993 came to an end.
I had to keep my grief in check and try not to show emotion.
I had to hide my tears.