The day after Chelsea's funeral, he ran some errands with my dad.
*Will you be ok by yourself?*
*Yes, I will be fine*
Against Dr's orders of Do Not Drive I got in the car and drove to the cemetery.
Being on pain medication and mental health medication, I don't know how I got there. I guess it was the urgent need to be with her.
It was a beautiful, sunny, hot and humid day.
This day, like yesterday, did not match my mood.
For a long time I sat there on the ground at her place.
I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more.
I cried til my tears were spent.
The thought came to my mind to start digging.
Yes! Dig! Bring her home! She doesn't belong here!
As I started to reach for a flower, I came to my senses.
If I dig and get caught, I would be locked-away.
I don't want to be locked-away.
I just want to be with her.
Why didn't God take me, too?!
Why did He leave me here to endure this heart-wrenching pain?!
When I finally did get home, I got a lecture of *not supposed to be driving.*
*I want to be with her!*
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My heart is breaking for you. I am in tears as I read your blog. It brings me back to Little Danny's service. It seemed as if life was going on normal for everyone else...and there I sat. I was still so numb, not understanding why, why did he have to be taken from me? It has now almost been 6 months ago. It's stil hard, but it does get easier. Just know that your precious Chelsea is in the arms of her precious Saviour. You will be reunited with her again...in God's timing. In the mean time, allow God to use you to bring Him glory through your testimony. At Little Danny's service we sang, "Jesus has a rocking chair." Your precious Chelsea is in the best of hands. Believe that. I pray that the Lord sends you peace that passes all understanding, and Lots and Lots of love.
ReplyDeleteKristel,
ReplyDeleteThank you!