June 25 - Still drifting in and out of the heavy sleep.
On my bedside table are 3 polaroid photos of Chelsea that one of the nurses had taken.
The Dr who did the C-section came in to check on me. He said he was in a hurry to get her out that he didn't clamp off any of my main bleeders, so I lost a lot of blood.
Chelsea was laying sideways, the umbilical cord was wrapped around her body. When my water broke (that was the stuff floating in the tub), it acted like a vaccum, sucking her shoulder into the birth canal. At that point she compressed the cord, cutting off her oxygen.

When Chelsea was born, the mid-wife stayed by her side the entire time, til they took her away to the other hospital.


He and the BIL went to the other hospital to be with Chelsea for a while. Not long after they left I got a call from Chelsea's neurologist telling me that the EEG showed very little brain activity and they would repeat it in a couple of days. I was still so groggy, and told the Dr to tell him when he got there. I was having such a difficult time trying to process everything that had happend and that was happening.
Then it hit me!
I went over the edge!
The nurse and social worker came in to calm me down. An injection into my IV line sent me drifting away.

All day long I can hear garbled voices, but they seem far away. People visiting me, nurses and drs checking on me, but the anesthesia and pain meds have control. I can't get out of the fog I am in.

Later, when he came back, he told me the Grandparents are with Chelsea.
The Drs gave him an update on her condition. If she does survive, there is a long list of possible disabilities that she will have. Cerebral Palsey, Blind, Deaf, Paralyzed, etc...
Emotionally, I am numb. Physically, it is too painful to cry.

Tomorrow, if I am stable, they will transfer me to the other hospital so I can be with Chelsea and recooperate there.

I want so bad to be with her. To hold her, kiss her, tell her I love her.