The Box

I opened the box that Nurse T brought to us.
In it are some polaroid photos, the video, her blanket, hat, hair ribbon, and NICU outfits.
Also, some books on what to do when your baby dies.
Funeral style information.
Grief information.
Bereavement group information.

I start reading the information ... bathe your baby, diaper your baby, dress your baby, spend as much time as you want with your baby, keep your baby in your room with you. If your baby has already gone to the morgue, you can have your baby brought back to you.

I didn't know we could have done all this.

Why weren't we given the chance to do these things?

Why didn't Nurse T offer for us to do these things with Chelsea?

Why?

Now Chelsea is gone.

Buried.

I cannot reverse time.

I've been cheated out of so much.
When I held her I saw her face and a foot. In my dazed state, I never thought to unwrap her from her blanket and look at her from head to toe.

Oh, I just want my Chelsea back!